Moving Forward Into The World of Co-Parenting

When you and your spouse were a couple, your actions with your children were as parents and were bound together. After separation and divorce, you move away from the couple relationship, and you need to work at forming a new relationship as co-parents. While co-parenting isn’t always easy, the key feature to always keep in mind is that the focus must stay on what’s best for the children.

There are many kinds of co-parenting relationships and the nature of your co-parenting relationship will depend on many factors, most important of which is how well you and the other parent can get along. Some parents are able to interact quite easily while others find this difficult. If you have a strained relationship with your co-parent, try some of the following tips to make this easier on you both.

• In the beginning, keep meetings between you and the other parent relatively formal by meeting in a neutral location (for example, a coffee shop) and have a list of issues for discussion.
• Don’t expect too much from each other. Try hashing out a plan on moving forward that you can mutually agree on and amend it as you go, if needed.
• Avoid getting emotionally involved with one another by sharing personal information…unless it is related to parenting.
• Don’t read too much into emails and texts. Someone whose texts or emails seem angry or sarcastic may not mean for them to come across that way.
• Find a form of communication that works best for both of you. If you find that emails or texts are being misconstrued you may decide that picking up the phone is best.

The change from being a couple to having a co-parenting relationship won’t happen overnight. You will need to work hard at it. It may take a while before you and the other parent learn to communicate as co-parents. But always remember as stated before, the focus must stay on what’s best for the children.

Some tips for working together as co-parents:

• Work to put aside your anger and cooperate to put your children’s needs first.
• Be polite and treat the other parent with respect.
• Avoid sarcasm, rudeness and insults.
• Keep communication brief and to the point.
• Don’t argue in front of your children.
• Don’t ask your children to carry messages between you and the other parent.
• Don’t use your children as pawns to ‘punish’ the other parent.
• Never ask your children to take a side.
• Don’t discuss co-parenting difficulties with the children.
• Don’t discourage your child’s interest in both parents and extended family members.
• Don’t speak negatively about the other parent to the children.
• Lastly, don’t be afraid or ashamed to reach out to professionals such as counselors, mediators, parenting coaches, etc. They may help you find new ways to better co-parent together.

The Follow-Up: Ask yourselves how your co-parenting relationship is working?

1. Be honest with each other and open to the other’s suggestions.
2. Discuss what changes you might have to make to your original plan to improve your co-parenting relationship.
3. Since communication is key, go over how your chosen method has been going so far.  Do you need to change or improve it?

Remember, It’s all about your Child(ren)

Not only are you entering a new world of co-parenting, but your children are delving into this new world with you. If you find it difficult as adults, imagine how hard this may be for them. Remember to always keep the focus on their needs and what’s best for them. Doing so might even shift attention away from the difficulties you may have with each other. Staying positive and keeping your kids at the center of this new dynamic will surely help.